A representative of the Society for People Who Can Actually Hear the Notes You Sing released a statement today publicly pleading tone-deaf singers to not try and sing the songs from the new Disney hit Moana outside of their shower.
“Look,” the spokesman, Sandy Plankton, said, “We know the music is great. You love it. We love it. It’s Lin Freaking Manuel Miranda. But we just got our hearing back from all those ‘Let it Go’ covers, and trust us, ‘How Far I’ll Go’ is even harder to sing.”
Moana hit theaters last month and has been consistently on the billboards for hits such as “How Far I’ll Go,” “We Know the Way,” and “You’re Welcome.”
“You think you’re hitting the notes,” Ms. Plankton continued, “but trust us, you’re not.”
Others, excited to have another hype lemon to squeeze, have their iPhones firmly set to ‘video-mode.’ Says one tone deaf shower singer, Becky Geraldson, “I just feel like, if The Rock can sing, then so can I!”
“You are not the genetic superiority that is The Rock,” assures Ms. Plankton. “You will never, nor could you ever, be The Rock. Now please, don’t post your goddam kids singing these songs on my Facebook feed. I drink enough as it is.”
Despite their differences, Becky Geraldson and Sandy Plankton agree, you should definitely go see Moana, and listen to the soundtrack, because, according to Ms. Geraldson, “it’s kind of the best.”