Oh, hey guys. Just wanted to drop by and say….
It is the time of new beginnings, reminiscing, and attempting to completely overhaul your personality and recreate yourself in a new and temporarily improved identity.
Because self esteem is for losers.
Here are the resolutions I have made on behalf of various factions of the Walt Disney Corporation.
As you know, I’m a slave to the Mouse, so when they produce something as fabulous as Frozen, I’m immediately going to adopt all of its lessons as my new life philosophy.
So, in no particular order, here are all of the things I have learned from Frozen.
Warning, spoilers ahead!
Heeeeeeey Pixar. I saw Monsters University a few weeks ago. Opening night.
Not that many people in the theater that night. In fact, there were about six. Not like Toy Story 3, which had the Millennials lined up around the block.
What’s happenin’ there, big fella? Have you fallen down a bit from that mountain of creative genius from which you’ve been admired and revered for so many years?
Happy Independence Day! Or, as my Father likes to say to our English Friends, “Happy We-Kicked-Your-British-Arses-Day!”
Ah, the Fourth of July. When we celebrate our freedom by over-eating fatty meats and playing with explosive objects. Just can’t get any better. In order to celebrate this anniversary of our rebellion from the stuffy Brits across the pond, I want to celebrate the character I believe to be the ultimate rebel of Disney:
Monsters University comes out this Friday. And I really, really want it to be good.
I don’t just say that because I’ve already purchased a ticket to see it at the 10:40 “midnight premiere” (when did theaters start doing that? It makes no sense) and I hate wasting eleven dollars on bad movies. Or because I loved the first Monsters Inc. and would hate for them to ruin one of my favorite Pixar films. Or because Toy Story 3 gave me all the feels in the best way possible and I would love to repeat that experience.
While these things are all true, I mostly want this movie to be good because Pixar needs this movie to be good.
In fact, I think Monsters University might just prophesize the future success of Pixar. Let me explain.
In honor of Mother’s Day, I made a tribute to the, er, special relationship Disney has with its mothers. Naturally, I felt that Father’s Day deserved the same honor.
I’ve ruined your innocence about Bambi and for that I do apologize. But I will make amends. How? By restoring the name of The Lion King, one of my favorites of all Disney movies (and movies in general, for that matter).
There are two rumors I have heard throughout my lifetime about sexuality working its way into The Lion King that I will address here today.
Read More…
I’ve decided to follow my moral outrage over the demeaning whore couture makeover of classic Disney princesses by blatantly and shamelessly objectifying the men.
Hey, it’s not hypocrisy if I feel guilty about it.
…which I don’t.
On to the man meat! Read More…
To celebrate the love Disney shows towards its mothers, I have created this video.
Enjoy!
They’ve taken Merida.
http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/34200000/Merida-s-new-design-merida-34233382-280-584.jpg
