I’ve decided to follow my moral outrage over the demeaning whore couture makeover of classic Disney princesses by blatantly and shamelessly objectifying the men.
Hey, it’s not hypocrisy if I feel guilty about it.
…which I don’t.
On to the man meat!
5. Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid
http://static.tumblr.com/ydug8dv/3wkm5f2be/tumblr_m4d24rb5ek1qft5n0o1_1280.jpeg
Alright, this guy barely squeaked in. Yeah, he’s got the puppy dog eyes and the nice hair, but he’s also kind of bland looking.
You know the only reason he made the list? Because in the first ten minutes of this movie he risked his life and jumped back onto a burning ship in order to save his dog. For that act alone he wins a bajillion good guy points and number five on this list.
Good man.
4. Flynn Rider from Tangled
http://0.tqn.com/d/movies/1/0/K/_/W/tangled-flynn-rider-photo2.jpg
Tangled, as you may have gathered from previous posts, is not my favorite of the Disney canon. I was really disappointed with how they regressed from a strong, dynamic heroine like Tiana to a simplistic, passive dumbass like Rapunzel.
However, Disney did finally manage to sneak in an interesting male love interest in this movie. He’s charming, he’s goofy, and he has that whole “smolder” thing going for him. Plus he totally pulls off the gruff look.
Not to mention, he’s super efficient at giving really cute hair cuts.
http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/26600000/flynn-is-cutting-rapunzel-hair-tangled-26689450-532-299.jpg
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRe5EjX7X7VztB5GxaiAvUz79h3fWjX1rJdvxbD75-CZMDHfMo3
Seriously, how did he get bangs in there?
3. Aladdin from Aladdin
Yeah, this one is just totally superficial. He’s a good character and he has a nice singing voice and all, but mostly…I just like his abs.
2. Phoebus from Hunchback of Notre Dame
http://asg.animatedheroes.com/albums/phoebus/Phoebus_sword.jpg
I’ll get into a candlestick fight in a dark cathedral with this guy any time.
…That came out way dirtier than I intended.
This guy is basically what would happen if they took Robert Downey Jr and sanitized him for Disney. He’s suave, commanding, witty, and quite the handsome devil. I know everyone was sad that Esmerelda threw over Quasi for this guy, but I mean…c’mon.
http://asg.animatedheroes.com/albums/phoebus/shaking_with_quasi.jpg
Who would you pick?
And the number one manwich of Disney is….
1. Shang from Mulan
http://dettoldisney.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/mulan-shang.jpg
I gotta be honest, when I re-watched Mulan for the first time post-puberty, I had to pause the film and call my friend to express genuine concern that there was something wrong with me. Because I was attracted to a cartoon character. That didn’t seem right. I soon learned that Shang has this effect on many a young lass (and some lads), regardless if they are in a two, three, or four dimensional state. I think our reactions are best summarized by Mulan…
http://www.sockshare.com/file/3B2JNPB735ESKSW#
There’s no defense here. It has nothing to do with his personality. He’s just a hunky piece of flesh.
It does burn that his singing voice is Donny Osmond, though.
http://www.sockshare.com/file/3B2JNPB735ESKSW#
Yup. Just ruined that song for you.
No I didn’t. That song’s awesomeness cannot be tarnished. Let’s get down to business!
Okay, I’ll make up for this bit of shallow fan girling by defending the unsung male heroes of Disney at some point. Or objectifying the women as well. We’ll see.
Who are your favorite Disney Man Melts?
