Let’s get ready to rumble!
Everyone seems to be super hyped about this whole March Madness thing, and I wanted to get in on the action. Except I know nothing about that whole orange ball-dribbling thing. (Except that I’m from Philly so ‘Go Sixers!’ — they’re a college basketball team right?)
So I decided to create a new March Madness based on something I do know: Disney characters and bizarre hypothetical situations. So we here at The Magical World Of have created our own Disney March Madness bracket.
I’ll be going through each pair up — one round per post — and deeming which Disney character would be victorious in a cage match. I’ll use some input from the votes on our Facebook page, but being the Magical Guru, I will make the ultimate decision on the victor of each match. Make your own bracket at home and follow along! Post it on Twitter or Facebook and you’ll be sure to get a retweet/mention!
We’re going to start with half of the first round in this post, so if you want to make a bracket stop reading here and go make one!
You made it? Is it pretty? Good. Let us begin.
Well, since I often show blatant favoritism to the villains on this site, let’s start with the heroes this time, shall we?
Merida vs Hercules
She’s a spunky Scottish princess who knows her way around a bow and arrow.
http://larryfire.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/brave-movie-image-merida1.jpg
He’s Greek/Roman demi-God who can knock over an entire city — by accident.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Ut5aScAl7y4/TCGIOK0bN4I/AAAAAAAAAvE/6EKSGpfYbAM/s1600/Herc+fight+Hydra.jpg
Okay, so Hercules ain’t so well endowed in the brains department, and Merida might have a few tricks up her sleeve. She is a pretty good shot and might be able to surprise attack him from a distance. But before Hercules even registered the arrows hitting his big brawny biceps, he’d lift Merida’s tiny frame casually with one hand and gently toss her out of the ring, leaving a nice Merida shaped hole in the cage. Or he could pull a Trunchbull and fling her out by her curly locks.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XlX6CncEFqE/S9vHbv-OfsI/AAAAAAAABk0/Ksgb9lrNguI/s1600/trunchbull3p.jpg
Sorry Merida, the will o’ the whisps is not with you. Chalk up the W for Wonder Boy.
Buzz Lightyear vs Mulan
He’s a Intergalactic Space Hero with a bit of a size issue.
http://truelife13.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/20120623-120120.jpg
She’s a feisty Chinese warrior who saved the nation that produces my favorite kind of food.
http://images1.fanpop.com/images/polls/78004_1210522286486_full.jpg
We got two clever fighters here. Sure, Buzz was a bit of a space case (har har) in the first movie, but by the third movie he had really learned to use his resources to fight well and make tricky escapes. Mulan, likewise, fights with a heavy emphasis on strategy. They both know some mean hand to hand techniques that compensate for their size disadvantages. Except Buzz really doesn’t stand a chance here. Why? Well, Mulan is a human. So as soon as she walks into the match Buzz has to stop what he’s doing and lie down motionless. Then Mulan feeds him as a chew toy to Little Brother.
http://content8.flixster.com/question/46/76/28/4676282_std.jpg
Sorry Buzz, Mulan made a fool out of you.
Mufasa vs Prince Phillip
He’s a giant mass of awesome in lion form.
http://cdn102.iofferphoto.com/img/item/148/869/801/vQ0m.jpg
He’s a studly prince who fights dragons like it’s his job.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_2RHfqZqE8JE/TSfde64kfBI/AAAAAAAAAT4/bDVA6AyMhjM/s320/dragon
C’mon. It’s Mufasa. Pansy Prince boy doesn’t stand a chance. True, he defeated the most demonic villain that ever lived, but that was with the three fairy’s help. No outside assistance permitted in the cage. Mufasa pins Phillip before he can finish the first eight bars of “Once Upon a Dream.” Mufasa is king.
Stitch vs Rafiki
He’s a crazy alien with a heart of gold and a potty mouth.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LnyJ4nzjBUk/UKnl8miFtFI/AAAAAAAADgw/SdhOpB_7B1Q/s1600/stitch+frog+gun+lilo+disney.png
He’s a crazy shaman with a heart of gold and knows his way around a walking stick.
http://www.lionking.org/imgarchive/Act_3/KungFu.jpg
This is a cage match I would legitimately love to see. With their loony minds and let-everything-go fighting styles, it would be the most entertaining fight in the history of fictional cage matches. It would last a while too; Rafiki would put up a good fight. But Stitch was genetically bred for destruction. Stitch would chomp Rafiki’s fighting stick between his teeth and toss Rafiki around like a blue punch buggy.
http://i3.ytimg.com/vi/jvB1LXWHlwM/mqdefault.jpg
Better hit the healing herbs, Rafiki. Stitch is the hound dog of this match.
Stay tuned for the second half of round one, where we watch the villains duke it out! Vote for your favorites on our Facebook page!
