Welcome back to the Disney Sorting Hat!
Today we’re sorting Disney Queens, and I’m only doing Disney Queens that have enough of a presence in the film to judge a personality on. Rule of thumb, if they don’t get a line, they don’t get a house.
I’m also judging Queen vs Princess vs Commoner status based on their position by the end of the film. Basic reminder of the house traits:
Or you can say Hufflepuff is Loyalty, Diligence, Kindness. If you wanna be PC about it.
Nala from The Lion King – Gryffindor
Whether it be her angsty royal ex or the current homicidal dictator, Nala isn’t afraid to stand up and tell her social superiors what’s what. She leaves all on her own to find help for her starving family, and she’s the first one to tell Simba that she’ll fight for the pride even if no one else will. Not to mention, during her prime sorting years (i.e. a cub), she was totally down to adventure, poking around catacombs and ditching dodos with the once and future king. She’s loyal, she’s brave, and she’s also literally a lion. So there’s that.
Sarabi from The Lion King – Gryffindor
Sarabi ain’t got time for your shit. Like her daughter-in-law, she’s not afraid to tell off Kings to their face, except instead of an angsty ex, she mouths off a tyrannical king with a hyena army and regicidal tendencies. Plus, she does it all for the sake of her starving pride, whom she remains a leader for after the death of her husband and (presumably) son. And again, she’s literally a lion.
Elsa from Frozen – Ravenclaw
Although Elsa has a fierce loyalty to her loved ones that could label her a Hufflepuff or a Gryffindor, her desire to retreat into isolation to explore her personal powers, along with her evident joy of the unique things she was able to create — mainly singing snowgads and sentient snowboogers…
…makes her a classic Ravenclaw. I have a feeling Elsa and Luna would get along just fine. I bet wrackspurts come from sneezes, too.
Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland
Look, I know what you’re thinking. But the villainous portrayal of the Queen of Hearts is just an example of our inability to accept a woman in power. This is a woman born into a position of royalty who just wants to have a challenging game of croquet and maintain her roses in the academically correct color, which I think is the mark of a true —
I’m totally kidding. This bitch is of course Slytherin.
Queen Elinor from Brave – Slytherin
Just as Tiana is the Princess that exemplifies the best version of a Slytherin, Elinor is one of those Slytherins that are badass instead of evil. She’s cunning, knowing exactly how to handle the other clan chieftains in order to maintain peace and order in her kingdom, ambitious in her plans for her daughter’s future (much to Merida’s chagrin), and she displays an impressive amount of leadership that makes the brawling clansmen fear her more than her giant-bear-killing husband.
Plus, she obviously rocks the emerald green look.
Evil Queen from Snow White – Slytherin
Yeah, sensing a pattern here. But hey, Slytherin bitches get stuff done.
And also destroy things. But whatevs.
Queen Leah – Gryffindor
No, not that one. She barely got a line.
I mean this one.