Last night the world was given a new celebrity icon: Adele DaZeem.
It all started with a hostage situation. Hordes of little girls in tiaras begging their parents to let them stay up to watch Elsa sing. Disnerds everywhere tolerating odious acceptance speeches in a somewhat masturbatory self-congratulation ceremony for people who play pretend. A nation waiting with baited breath to hear the ice queen sing.
Yet the ceremony continued, and no sign of Idina was in sight. Singer after singer graced the stage, still the Academy would not let us have our Broadway Diva until we had listened to every last Art Direction and Makeup Artist thank Jesus and their parakeet. It was torture. Inhumane. But we found ways to cope. The expected Frozen win for Best Animated Film brought joy.
A loss for Disney’s short “Get a Horse” drew ire.
And we found hints of our beloved Disney characters in celebrities’ dresses, both good and bad.
And the not so good:
Yet still the natives grew restless.
Things got pretty heated. I may have threatened to punch a baby…but finally It was time! We would hear Let it Go, at last, for the 5,034th time. Then this happened.
And the internet exploded.
Not only did Travolta get her name nowhere near correct, but he pronounced it with a weird accent like a pretentious European traveller saying her name in its true native form.
A twitter account for Ms. DaZeem was immediately created.
And later a buzzfeed article about the proper Travoltian pronunciations of celebrity names as well as a John Travolta name generator. Mine is Luke Herdson, in case you were curious.
We took a break to hold our breath and wait for “Let it Go” to claim its rightful victory over the Bono song.
“Let it Go” was victorious! And there was much rejoicing.
Bobby and Kristen (Anderson) Lopez made the most adorable speech of all time. But it called for a Frozen sequel…which caused great distress among the Disnerd people.
Red-eyed parents finally got some peace from their nagging children.
And the internet continued to give Adele DaZeem (Dazime?) a life of her own.
This is where our tale comes to a close. After all, no Disnerd much cared what happened after that. We all knew 12 Years a Slave was going to win. We didn’t watch it because we prefer happy movies with musical endings…but it was still gonna win. So we took our leave, while everyone else on twitter wondered what the hell just happened.
The Disnerds were put back in their cages, left to tweet another day.
See you there!
What’s your Travolta name? Tell us in the comments below!