Disney’s Hottest Dudes

I’ve decided to follow my moral outrage over the demeaning whore couture makeover of classic Disney princesses by blatantly and shamelessly objectifying the men.

Hey, it’s not hypocrisy if I feel guilty about it.

…which I don’t.

On to the man meat!

5. Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid

prince eric

http://static.tumblr.com/ydug8dv/3wkm5f2be/tumblr_m4d24rb5ek1qft5n0o1_1280.jpeg

Alright, this guy barely squeaked in. Yeah, he’s got the puppy dog eyes and the nice hair, but he’s also kind of bland looking.

You know the only reason he made the list? Because in the first ten minutes of this movie he risked his life and jumped back onto a burning ship in order to save his dog. For that act alone he wins a bajillion good guy points and number five on this list.

Good man.

4. Flynn Rider from Tangled

http://0.tqn.com/d/movies/1/0/K/_/W/tangled-flynn-rider-photo2.jpg

http://0.tqn.com/d/movies/1/0/K/_/W/tangled-flynn-rider-photo2.jpg

Tangled, as you may have gathered from previous posts, is not my favorite of the Disney canon. I was really disappointed with how they regressed from a strong, dynamic heroine like Tiana to a simplistic, passive dumbass like Rapunzel.

However, Disney did finally manage to sneak in an interesting male love interest in this movie. He’s charming, he’s goofy, and he has that whole “smolder” thing going for him. Plus he totally pulls off the gruff look.

Not to mention, he’s super efficient at giving really cute hair cuts.

http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/26600000/flynn-is-cutting-rapunzel-hair-tangled-26689450-532-299.jpg

http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/26600000/flynn-is-cutting-rapunzel-hair-tangled-26689450-532-299.jpg

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRe5EjX7X7VztB5GxaiAvUz79h3fWjX1rJdvxbD75-CZMDHfMo3

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRe5EjX7X7VztB5GxaiAvUz79h3fWjX1rJdvxbD75-CZMDHfMo3

Seriously, how did he get bangs in there?

3. Aladdin from Aladdin

http://media.salon.com/2013/01/theater-aladdin.jpeg-1280x960.jpg

Yeah, this one is just totally superficial. He’s a good character and he has a nice singing voice and all, but mostly…I just like his abs.

2. Phoebus from Hunchback of Notre Dame

http://asg.animatedheroes.com/albums/phoebus/Phoebus_sword.jpg

http://asg.animatedheroes.com/albums/phoebus/Phoebus_sword.jpg

I’ll get into a candlestick fight in a dark cathedral with this guy any time.

…That came out way dirtier than I intended.

This guy is basically what would happen if they took Robert Downey Jr and sanitized him for Disney. He’s suave, commanding, witty, and quite the handsome devil. I know everyone was sad that Esmerelda threw over Quasi for this guy, but I mean…c’mon.

http://asg.animatedheroes.com/albums/phoebus/shaking_with_quasi.jpg

http://asg.animatedheroes.com/albums/phoebus/shaking_with_quasi.jpg

Who would you pick?

And the number one manwich of Disney is….

1. Shang from Mulan

http://dettoldisney.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/mulan-shang.jpg

http://dettoldisney.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/mulan-shang.jpg

I gotta be honest, when I re-watched Mulan for the first time post-puberty, I had to pause the film and call my friend to express genuine concern that there was something wrong with me. Because I was attracted to a cartoon character. That didn’t seem right. I soon learned that Shang has this effect on many a young lass (and some lads), regardless if they are in a two, three, or four dimensional state. I think our reactions are best summarized by Mulan…

http://www.sockshare.com/file/3B2JNPB735ESKSW#

http://www.sockshare.com/file/3B2JNPB735ESKSW#

There’s no defense here. It has nothing to do with his personality. He’s just a hunky piece of flesh.

It does burn that his singing voice is Donny Osmond, though.

http://www.sockshare.com/file/3B2JNPB735ESKSW#

http://www.sockshare.com/file/3B2JNPB735ESKSW#

Yup. Just ruined that song for you.

No I didn’t. That song’s awesomeness cannot be tarnished. Let’s get down to business!

Okay, I’ll make up for this bit of shallow fan girling by defending the unsung male heroes of Disney at some point. Or objectifying the women as well. We’ll see.

Who are your favorite Disney Man Melts?

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  • Eric? At 5? Are you crazy? Did you not see the castle? The man has a ship, too! Plus he’ll take you boating the lake..with no mother in law in sight!

    • LeahIsMagical

      Three days and a romantic boat ride with a doting, half naked fish lady and the guy still doesn’t make a move? We may have to re-evaluate his relationship with Grimsby 😉

  • I like how you don’t hold back about Rapunzel. haha. I happen to like her and Flynn is freaking cute and I’m sure IN REAL LIFE I would have a huge crush on him. I can’t really think of anyone that you are missing here… nice list! I’m impressed.

    • LeahIsMagical

      Thanks!

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