Disney March Madness: Champion Round

It’s the Final Countdown. Cue the music.

Hercules. Maleficent. A naive Demi-God and an evil sorceress who takes baby showers perhaps a bit too seriously. It’s hero vs villain, good vs evil.

Enough of the build up. Let’s get to the fight.

Hercules receives a good luck slap on the butt from his faithful trainer Phil as he enters the ring. Maleficent has her forehead dabbed by one of her creepy pig slaves. She then sets him aflame, as per her usual ritual. The fight can begin.

Maleficent stands in the corner with a vengeful smile on her lips. She looks like she wants to toast some Wonder Boy Bread. Hercules doesn’t seem to know what to make of it, and suggests they call a truce. Maleficent laughs and conjures some birds to peck at Hercules’ eyes. Not a knock out blow, but I’m sure it’s still really annoying. Hercules bats away the birds fairly quickly, and starts to run full speed at Maleficent. Is he going to use his head butt again? No. He seems to be trying to put her in a headlock. Maleficent isn’t having that. She throws some flames at him and Hercules quickly backs off.

Okay, now he’s running again. And, yup, this time it’s an actual head butt. Gotta love reliability. Pow! Gets her right in the gut, too! As Maleficent struggles to gain her composure Hercules rams her again! She seems to be back on her feet now, but Hercules is revving his engine for yet another head butt. Pick something else, Herc! Maleficent now side steps him easily and Hercules rams his head into the cage. Small Pegasi are circling his head…which are quickly scorched by Maleficent.

Maleficent is now laughing maniacally and levitating towards the ceiling. She creates a twister around her, presumably to blow Hercules clean out of the ring. Hercules is holding on to the cage for dear life! And we appear to have lost a few audience members…but Hercules is still here! He’s now attempting to move towards Maleficent by holding on to the perimeter of the cage for support.  He makes his way over to Maleficent, grabs the bottom of her cloak, and flings her across the ring!

Oh, now she’s pissed. Is this going to be? Yup, she’s transforming into a dragon. Seems like she could be a bit more creative than this, she’s kind of played out the whole “dragon” form. Oh wait…is she? She’s transforming into Figment? Well that makes no sense. Figment isn’t threatening, he’s adorable and the embodiment of our imagination!



Except, oh my! Hercules seems to be completely thrown. How can you attack Figment? This is an interesting play on Maleficent’s part. Hercules is dumbfounded. He’s just standing there! Maleficent takes advantage and surrounds Hercules with a bottomless crater. Our hero appears to be stuck! What’s he going to do? He’s trying to push his little island forward with his feet, but that only results in the floor crumbling below him. That boy is not bright. This might be over folks.

Maleficent is now promising to leave him there for one hundred years! I don’t know if we have enough popcorn for that. The fans are getting restless. But…wait! Maleficent is now leaving the arena! Now, she wouldn’t–yes! She just left the cage! She is disqualified! Hercules wins by default!

This is what happens, folks. Villains just get a little too cocky. They love to play with their food.

Making his Daddy proud, Hercules is the ultimate Champion! 



That’s all for now, folks. Thanks for tuning in, and we will see you next year!

Here’s our final bracket:

bracket final

How did you do?

  • Ian Perkins-Taylor

    “Figment isn’t threatening, he’s adorable and the embodiment of our imagination!”

    My response: That thing is horrifying! Just use your imagination. *disapparate*

    • LeahIsMagical

      “Those are the most adorable things I’ve ever seen!”