Well, the month of Hallmark is over and on to…the month of Guiness! That’s right, it’s March and that means St. Patty’s day is around the corner.
Ah, St. Patricks Day. The day where inside of every adult is a little bit of Irish and a whole lot of liquor. So how to marry these two concepts and guarantee myself a passenger seat in the hand basket to hell? By compiling a list of the best characters to drink with, of course!
Clarification: I am not encouraging drunkenness of any kind. In fact, if you actually find yourself having a drunken conversation with any of these Disney characters, it might be time to stop by the hospital and get yourself a banana bag.
Let us begin!
5. Grandmother Willow from Pocahontas
G’ma Willow already has a wry sense of humor, so put a couple of drinks in this old broad and see her really let loose about the dumb white guys who just brought disease and urbanization to her foliage-filled oasis. Maybe a few will walk by and she’ll spook ’em with a branch poke or a loud cough. Sing slurred Native American tribal songs and shoot the shit about the spirits and all the cooky stuff they’ve done over the years. When else are you gonna get to drink with a tree?
4. Bert from Mary Poppins
Step in time with Bert-y boy! Watch his accent get either better or worse (can’t decide – maybe it will change completely?) as he downs another lager. We’ll sing some tunes and then go dance on the rooftop. Maybe we’ll jump into a painting and go on a fox hunt. He’ll give you his hat and spend the whole night calling you gov’nor. Then at the end of the night he’ll sit you down and teach you a real life lesson, most likely through song. With laughs, tears, and memories, it’ll be a jolly ‘olly night with you, Bert.
3. Hercules (and Hades) from Hercules
Let’s party like it’s….ancient Greece! For nights when you’re feeling a bit mischievous, Hercules will be the one to call. My bet is, once he’s knocked back a few, Wonder Boy will do just about anything you ask him to. “Hey, Hercules, switch the Liberty Bell and the Eiffel Tower and see who notices! Yeah awesome, now take a picture with the Tower. Pretend it’s your penis…ha you’re a douche! Alright now break it over your knee. No, I’m totally kidding dude, don’t do that! Put it back! He was totally gonna break it over his knee. That dude’s crazy, man!” Bring Hades in there to help you with the heckling and provide some rapid-fire hilarity. He’ll probably have some of his own devious plans for Herc, possibly involving the Titans or the Fates. Might start a deathly war with the underworld, but hey, it’ll be a fun story!
2. Baloo from The Jungle Book
Do I even need to spell this one out? This guy is the definition of life of the party. You’ll swing, baby, with the king of cool. I can think of no greater way to spend an evening than, whilst dressed as a monkey, I shake my tail feather and scat with Baloo.
Who can top Baloo? Well…
1. J. Thaddeus Toad from Wind in the Willows
There’s a reason they called his attraction “Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.” This guy will show you a good time. With a little ‘motor mania’ you will hang with talking horses who wear hats, get into a bar fight with a bunch of weasels, land yourselves in jail, escape said jail by dressing like an old lady in a nightgown, and lord knows what else as you wander your way merrily, merrily to nowhere in particular. No one lives as fast and loose as Mr. Toad, so I can think of no one I’d rather party with than the Master of Toad Hall.
Rafiki – but beware, he’ll probably hit you in the head. Multiple times.
Laverne, Hugo, and Victor
Who would you most like to share some ale with?