Once Upon a Time: Welcome to Storybrooke Review

Tonight’s episode was brought to you by New Jersey: a state so awful, little boys would apparently rather stay with psycho storybook villains than return to it.

Sorry, Jersey.

As always, beware of spoilers!

Storybrooke comes into the world with its usual purple haze, but it lands on top of two stowaways hiding in the world’s sturdiest tent. What was that thing made of, superman’s skin? Regina gets a major crush on a small child and decides she’s going to keep him. That’s no problem, right?



Meanwhile in present day Storybrooke, Mary Margaret is sulking in bed over her recent, y’know, homicide, whilst everyone else fights to save her and Henry’s life.

Let’s have a look!

The Good

Regina’s back, Regina’s back, Regina’s back! Let me just do my evil queen happy dance.

Not only is she back, she’s pretty much the villain of a camping trip horror movie. With the pathological clinginess and the manic eyes…yeah Regina is the ultimate creeper in this episode.  Besides her discomforting obsession with an annoying brat (which somehow the father spins as “free spirited”), she was equally chilling in present day Storybrooke. My favorite part? After ripping apart her mother’s amazing wardrobe (how could you!?) to find her desired spell she smiles and whispers, “thank you, Mommy.”

Besides the fact that the small spawn was more than slightly irritating, the whole concept behind the flashback storyline was pretty clever. Sure, the town is bewitched to be completely isolated and unnoticed, but what happens if the town literally landed on top of someone? Cool concept. The twist at the end, revealing that the small boy Regina traumatized twenty-eight years ago is Greg Mendel, the new stranger danger of Storybrooke, while not mind-blowing, was certainly unexpected and intriguing.

I’m also impressed with Henry’s struggle this episode –yes, sometimes I like small children! Every child goes through that point where they feel they are old enough to handle new life situations without being coddled, but the parents don’t agree/realize it yet. His anger and frustration towards the adults in his life is certainly understandable, and made me actually interested in Henry’s story in a way I haven’t been before.

The Bad

Mary Margaret, I get you’ve got a hole in your heart and all, but we are in crisis mode here. Dear lord, woman, get out of bed!

While her depression is understandable, I felt it was a little overacted. Her face was so mopey and self-pitying. What happened to the angry, bitter Snow White we saw in fairy tale land? That was a more entertaining kind of darkness.

What happened to you, Snow White? You used to be cool.

The Random

-Why didn’t Regina let the Dad go? If she was so distraught by Owen’s tears at the end, why not release Grizzly McGruff from her loony tunes bin? Is she that bitter? Okay, yes she is.

-Grizzly McGruff, by the way, finds the obnoxious rudeness of his asshole son absolutely hilarious. Great parenting. Your son will have lots of friends.

-Henry is definitely going to pull the “you lied about my Dad” card for many years to come. “Henry, go to bed right now!” “YOU LIED ABOUT THE IDENTITY OF MY FATHER.” “….ten more minutes.”

-“When I put over-easy on the menu, I was talking about the eggs!” Typical conversation with your granddaughter.

-Magic is awesome, Henry, don’t get rid of it! Haven’t you read Harry Potter? Clearly the writers have. #dementorwraith

-Now on sale from Fairy Tale Land, Walkie Talkie Hearts!



Overall this was another solid episode, answering many questions but leaving doors open for further mystery. Can’t wait to see the return of Pinocchio next week!

What did you think? 

  • Parson Smallsbee

    Well I certainly agree with many of your points, the batshit Regina, the pathetic Mary Margaret, I’m baffled by, dare-i-say your admiration of Henry?! As opposed to developing as a character I think he remains the same whiny kid, who keeps running from Regina to Emma and back again. He declares Regina his mom in order to convince the Scooby gang not to kill her and to influence her actions, and when they all agree to his petulant demands, he takes off once again with his biological family without a backwards glance. Tsk tsk.

    • LeahIsMagical

      Well I was referring to the scenes where he is with the “Charming” family and they’re trying to coddle him and he gets pissed off. That, to me, was actually a realistic piece of child-to-adult conflict. But yeah, in the rest of the episode/season Henry is pretty much an asshole to Regina. I agree with that. I like how he calls Emma or Regina “Mom” when he’s happy with them and by their first name when he’s not. Manipulative little brat!