Disney’s Cinderella: The Modern Angel in the House

disney cinderella

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I’ve tried to write a post explaining why I hate Disney’s Cinderella several times. I haven’t yet written it successfully, at least in my view. I’ve long had a hatred for this movie I couldn’t quite put into words (specifically the Disney animated version, I do love other adaptations), and I thought I’d take another whack at explaining my beef.

I think to properly explain it, I have to get a little personal. Read More…

The Disney Sorting Hat: Princess Edition

I’m a millennial. I love Disney. I love Harry Potter. Therefore I have no choice but to sort all the Disney characters into their appropriate Hogwarts Houses. It’s compulsory behavior in order to maintain my Nerd Card.

Note: I’m gonna be doing a series of these, and we’re starting with the princesses. I’m going with only the characters who are heavily implied to be of some sort of royal stature by the end of their movie. Non royal heroines will be another category for another day.

Just a reminder of the basic canon traits of each house:

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How To Fix The Muppets TV Show

By now we’ve well established that I am a huge fan of The Muppets.

So the fact that I had to force myself through most of the episodes of the new Muppet Show with a considerable amount of boredom mixed with the occasional dash of agonizing pain? Well, that’s quite a feat. It seems that my initial trepidations over the direction of the show were more correct than my 180 degree turn into total faith after their concept pitch at Comic Con.

I hate it when I’m right and then wrong and then right again.

But I am holding out hope. Why? Because they’ve chucked out Bob Kushell as showrunner and brought in Kristen Newman. Who seems to understand that we do indeed want our grandmother’s muppets.

But, I have been burnt by Muppety promises before. Read More…

JK Rowling Says Trump is Too Terrible to Be Voldemort, So Which Harry Potter Character Is He?

There’s a lot of buzz recently about, who else, Mr. Donald J Trump.

Hey, they both have a “J” in their names…just sayin…

His recent disturbingly moustache-twirling-level-of-evil Islamaphobic comments have inspired a lot of comparisons to this generation’s iconic, albeit moustache-less villain, Lord J Voldemort. In fact, as Cafe.com pointed out, putting his dialogue on top of Voldemort’s movie scenes looks shockingly natural. Read More…

Should Hermione Have Been Sorted into Ravenclaw instead of Gryffindor?

There’s a lot of speculation and downright head scratching over why Hermione (#bosswitch) wasn’t sorted into Ravenclaw. Hermione, who worships books and thinks every answer can be found in the school library. Hermione, who read all her school books before even getting on the Hogwarts Express (although, if you just found out magic was a real thing that you were capable of doing, you’d probably do the same thing). Hermione, whose literal worst fear was Professor McGonagall telling her she’d failed all her exams.

hp quote 1

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I Watched Disney Channel’s Descendants So You Don’t Have to: Part 4

We now present the fourth and final installment of the epic re-telling of Disney’s Descendants.

I’m totally kidding. They’re of course making a sequel out of this mess.

And an animated cartoon.

I shit you not.

Looks like my career of making fun of this franchise will be long lived. Thank goodness it pays so well.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, catch up with Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3!

Quick Note: Apologies for the egregiously long gaps between Part 3 and Part 4. The regular health shenanigans held me up. I really appreciate all the positive feedback I’ve gotten on these posts! You’re all wonderful cinnamon rolls and I cherish you all.

On to the finale!

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I Watched Disney Channel’s Descendants So You Don’t Have to: Part 3

Things are about to get R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S!


Catch up with Part 1 and Part 2!

You know, thinking about it, the lyric “I’d trade my kingdom for just one kiss” is kinda terrifying considering it’s coming from a boy who is actually about to have an entire kingdom to trade. I don’t know why everyone is dancing along with this. Imagine if Barack Obama, right before his inauguration, spontaneously sang a song dedicated to Putin’s daughter with the lyric “I’d sell the nuclear codes for just one night with you, girl.”

I’m just saying, as a tax-payer, my dancing would be slightly less enthusiastic.

But no use looking in the past, onwards to Act Three!  Read More…

I Watched Disney Channel’s The Descendants So You Don’t Have To: Part 1

Welcome to Disney Channel’s The Descendants, the show where everything is poorly written fanfiction and the story doesn’t matter. That’s right, the story is like Disney’s 17 straight-to-DVD Tinker Bell movies. They don’t really matter and no one pays attention to them anyway.

Onto the movie! For those who don’t know, The Descendants is a movie Disney Channel has been advertising for a while as a story where all the children of iconic Disney villains go to school with the children of Disney heroes.

Sounds ridiculous? Oh, just you wait Henry Higgins.  Read More…

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