BREAKING! ABC’s Blackish Season Premiere Reveals Newest Disney World Technology: Transporting Portals

Disney, who recently invested a billion dollars in their new Magic Band technology, has just announced their newest technological project: Magic Portals.

That’s right, Magic Portals. As in gateways that take you from one park to another, in the blink of an eye, simply by walking through them. We saw the precursor to this technology at Enchanted Tales with Belle, where the Beast’s magic mirror takes guests from Belle’s Cottage to the Beast’s castle. It was previously assumed these rooms were connected, but now we know this was a discreet test run of an undisclosed, patented scientific breakthrough (possibly with the aid of fairy dust, maybe even some mid-chlorines), that allows Imagineers to teleport guests in between parks that are miles apart in only a matter of seconds.

The technology is subtly and brilliantly revealed in the season premiere of Blackish, the ABC sitcom created by Kenya Barris, which took place in Disney World, because, you know, corporate synergy.

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Histrionic Listicle Thoughts of a Fangirl While Reading Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: Part 1 Act 2

Do NOT read if you have not finished all of Part 1 (Acts 1 and 2) of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, or there will be a total collapse in the space time continuum!

spoilers

Catch up with my Act 1 histrionics first!

Have I given enough instructions? Do I have anyone left reading? Eh. I’ve spent the majority of my life talking dramatically at people who aren’t listening, I’m not about to stop now.

shall we begin

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Histrionic Listicle Thoughts of a Fangirl While Reading Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: Act 1

*howler Mrs. Weasley voice*

SPOILERS FOR CURSED CHILD. MASSIVE RUIN-THE-STORY-FOR-YOUR-INNER-11-YEAR-OLD-WHO-WAITED-AT-BORDERS-AT-MIDNIGHT-FOR-THE-NEXT-HARRY-POTTER-BOOK SPOILERS. 

*kindly Mrs. Weasley voice*

But please, do read on for my snarky reactions after you’ve finished. This post only covers Part 1 Act 1, so you’re safe as long as you’ve read that far.

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Disney Sorting Hat: Queens Edition

Welcome back to the Disney Sorting Hat!

Today we’re sorting Disney Queens, and I’m only doing Disney Queens that have enough of a presence in the film to judge a personality on. Rule of thumb, if they don’t get a line, they don’t get a house.

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Disney’s Cinderella: The Modern Angel in the House

disney cinderella

http://moonchildinthesky.deviantart.com/

I’ve tried to write a post explaining why I hate Disney’s Cinderella several times. I haven’t yet written it successfully, at least in my view. I’ve long had a hatred for this movie I couldn’t quite put into words (specifically the Disney animated version, I do love other adaptations), and I thought I’d take another whack at explaining my beef.

I think to properly explain it, I have to get a little personal.

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The Disney Sorting Hat: Princess Edition

I’m a millennial. I love Disney. I love Harry Potter. Therefore I have no choice but to sort all the Disney characters into their appropriate Hogwarts Houses. It’s compulsory behavior in order to maintain my Nerd Card.

Note: I’m gonna be doing a series of these, and we’re starting with the princesses. I’m going with only the characters who are heavily implied to be of some sort of royal stature by the end of their movie. Non royal heroines will be another category for another day.

Just a reminder of the basic canon traits of each house:

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How To Fix The Muppets TV Show

By now we’ve well established that I am a huge fan of The Muppets.

So the fact that I had to force myself through most of the episodes of the new Muppet Show with a considerable amount of boredom mixed with the occasional dash of agonizing pain? Well, that’s quite a feat. It seems that my initial trepidations over the direction of the show were more correct than my 180 degree turn into total faith after their concept pitch at Comic Con.

I hate it when I’m right and then wrong and then right again.

But I am holding out hope. Why? Because they’ve chucked out Bob Kushell as showrunner and brought in Kristen Newman. Who seems to understand that we do indeed want our grandmother’s muppets.

But, I have been burnt by Muppety promises before. Read More…

JK Rowling Says Trump is Too Terrible to Be Voldemort, So Which Harry Potter Character Is He?

There’s a lot of buzz recently about, who else, Mr. Donald J Trump.

Hey, they both have a “J” in their names…just sayin…

His recent disturbingly moustache-twirling-level-of-evil Islamaphobic comments have inspired a lot of comparisons to this generation’s iconic, albeit moustache-less villain, Lord J Voldemort. In fact, as Cafe.com pointed out, putting his dialogue on top of Voldemort’s movie scenes looks shockingly natural. Read More…

Should Hermione Have Been Sorted into Ravenclaw instead of Gryffindor?

There’s a lot of speculation and downright head scratching over why Hermione (#bosswitch) wasn’t sorted into Ravenclaw. Hermione, who worships books and thinks every answer can be found in the school library. Hermione, who read all her school books before even getting on the Hogwarts Express (although, if you just found out magic was a real thing that you were capable of doing, you’d probably do the same thing). Hermione, whose literal worst fear was Professor McGonagall telling her she’d failed all her exams.

hp quote 1

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I Watched Disney Channel’s Descendants So You Don’t Have to: Part 4

We now present the fourth and final installment of the epic re-telling of Disney’s Descendants.

I’m totally kidding. They’re of course making a sequel out of this mess.

And an animated cartoon.

I shit you not.

Looks like my career of making fun of this franchise will be long lived. Thank goodness it pays so well.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, catch up with Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3!

Quick Note: Apologies for the egregiously long gaps between Part 3 and Part 4. The regular health shenanigans held me up. I really appreciate all the positive feedback I’ve gotten on these posts! You’re all wonderful cinnamon rolls and I cherish you all.

On to the finale!

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