There’s a lot of speculation and downright head scratching over why Hermione (#bosswitch) wasn’t sorted into Ravenclaw. Hermione, who worships books and thinks every answer can be found in the school library. Hermione, who read all her school books before even getting on the Hogwarts Express (although, if you just found out magic was a real thing that you were capable of doing, you’d probably do the same thing). Hermione, whose literal worst fear was Professor McGonagall telling her she’d failed all her exams.
We now present the fourth and final installment of the epic re-telling of Disney’s Descendants.
I’m totally kidding. They’re of course making a sequel out of this mess.
And an animated cartoon.
I shit you not.
Looks like my career of making fun of this franchise will be long lived. Thank goodness it pays so well.
Quick Note: Apologies for the egregiously long gaps between Part 3 and Part 4. The regular health shenanigans held me up. I really appreciate all the positive feedback I’ve gotten on these posts! You’re all wonderful cinnamon rolls and I cherish you all.
On to the finale!
Things are about to get R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S!
You know, thinking about it, the lyric “I’d trade my kingdom for just one kiss” is kinda terrifying considering it’s coming from a boy who is actually about to have an entire kingdom to trade. I don’t know why everyone is dancing along with this. Imagine if Barack Obama, right before his inauguration, spontaneously sang a song dedicated to Putin’s daughter with the lyric “I’d sell the nuclear codes for just one night with you, girl.”
I’m just saying, as a tax-payer, my dancing would be slightly less enthusiastic.
But no use looking in the past, onwards to Act Three! Read More…
Welcome to Disney Channel’s The Descendants, the show where everything is poorly written fanfiction and the story doesn’t matter. That’s right, the story is like Disney’s Tinker Bell’s 17 straight-to-DVD sequels. They don’t really matter and no one pays attention to them anyway.
Onto the movie! For those who don’t know, The Descendants is a movie Disney Channel has been advertising for a while as a story where all the children of iconic Disney villains go to school with the children of Disney heroes.
Sounds ridiculous? Oh, just you wait Henry Higgins. Read More…
I swear, I really do like this character. A lot.
But just because you like something doesn’t mean you can’t recognize its issues, especially when it has as much influence as a Disney character does.
So buckle in. We’re going in for Round Two of the Honey Lemon Debate.
“Love is a song that never ends.”
Well, except when —
Sorry, should have said spoilers. Moving right along. Read More…
Yeah, I know. I promised a full report about a month ago. But I’m a really bad Zazu.
Honestly, besides my usual delays, I just have been having a really hard time expressing my feelings for this show.
Because every time I start to talk about it, I start re-enacting the whole damn thing and praise it compulsively for several hours. Read More…
Guys. The Muppets are getting their own TV show!! Praise Henson!
But here’s the description the ABC executive gave for the TV show.
“The Muppets return to prime time with a contemporary, documentary-style show that—for the first time ever—will explore the Muppets’ personal lives and relationships, both at home and at work, as well as romances, break-ups, achievements, disappointments, wants and desires; a more adult Muppet show, for kids of all ages.”
ABC chief Paul Lee also added this nugget of a quote. This new TV show is “not your grandmother’s Muppets.”